Monday, January 26, 2009

postpostpost

I never feel safe. And always the safest place is the most foreign to me. Where no one knows me and everything is new.
If the little thing sets me off balance, I'll immediately panic. I'll run away.

I'm living in a new town...it will only be for the next year. I just don't want to miss anything. Like...maybe this isn't were I should be but this is where I am. It's something I could go over and over and over again in my head. It makes me frustrated. I'm trying to put together reasons why I just want to escape. I can't just settle down and turn off. It's always being discussed in my head.

"WHERE ARE YOU AT"
I don't have any space. And I haven't for a long time. Maybe that's the problem.



I really want to be in Vancouver again. I don't feel so lost there. From what I remember.
I guess things are okay here. But I don't relate to anything here. For the first while it's fun. That's what I love, a new environment. But what is it doing for me? Cause I'm starting to feel scattered.

I've always lacked any concept of time and it's relevance. It's dawning on me now. I'll be an "adult" this year. Its funny actually.. Considering I have no stability with anything.

I'm just fucking around. That's all I've ever done.




Basically, I need to grow the fuck up and get my shit together.
Can't wait to see my friends tomorrow.

Hopfully I Won't Delete This.

So apparently I've been trying to have fun for too long.



I want to start over...don't know where to start from!



I'm 19. Soon to be 20. It makes you think. Makes you realize that time goes by reaaaally fast and you have to make good use of the time your given.